I am Mya. I am 20 years old.
To someone who has never met me- I am bold, communicative, assertive.
I’ve been writing poems since I was about 12 years old. I believe I’ve written thousands. My childhood inspires my writing. I feel like I’ve been in multiple stages of life even only being just 20 years old. So, I piece my childhood into boxes, moments, like this phase, that phase. I’m a thriller kind of girl, but when it comes to it I like relatable poems. Any type of pain. Pain has so much story to it, so much depth to it that I love to watch a happy ending.
I’m a very determined individual. I’ve been out less than a month and I’ve gotten seven job offers, I finished Operation New Hope without even being out for a month yet. I have my first ID. I have my birth certificate for the first time. I feel like I have been making milestones in my life that I’ve never seen possible– to have a legal job, to not be out there running around. I’ve got my first closet. I’ve never had a closet, I’ve never had a room in my life. So to finally get a chance to experience it and have somewhere I can call home– I’m definitely loving how determined I can be.
My younger sister inspires me. She’s 17. She is her, and I love that about her because she does not frighten down in any positions. At any time, she’s a natural born leader, I love it. I’m not shy, but I’m not as outgoing as she is either.
In the next few years I want stability and a family. I’ve never had one of those ever in my life, so I want to get around and make that– just connections, people. Where I come from connections with people was a downfall, not a good thing. So I want to invest into healthy and successful relationships.
I want other girls to know they are heard even when we can’t speak. And that’s one of the biggest things to me. The night that I had initially first ever gotten raped, I did not scream. And I think back to it now that I am older because I look at it and I say, ‘Why didn’t I try to scream?’ But I was so shocked and so weirded out by the moment that I was shocked into fear. I couldn’t say anything but all I could think in my head during the time was, ‘scream.’ I just couldn’t get it out my voice. I want girls to know that we hear that scream that’s not said out of your own mouth. Sometimes, we do little other things to show you. So I want to be there for those girls who feel like they can’t say it but they need the help. And I wish I would’ve had someone notice how far I was breaking before it was too late. So I hope to find some girls who are screaming.
Now, I scream! I’m a screamer, I have to go, I have to see my pillow and I have to go scream in it. Because I have to ground myself. I scream, I meditate, and I write what comes to my head. I make up a little rhyme in my head, or I just get to thinking about something and I write out a poem.
To be a young woman, I feel like you have to do what you have to do. Make ends meet by any means necessary. If you have to take a bus, walk through a little bit of rain, do it. Because at the end of that line is going to be your happiness, and you have to find it on your own.
The fast life is not what you want. I’ve seen both sides of it. I’ve seen the side that gets you led to a cell, and I’ve seen the times that were amazing. I’m not going to act like it was all horrible. I had nights in my life that I will never forget, and moments that I am so thankful for. But the end all be all wasn’t worth it. The nights didn’t add up. The time wasn’t there, it was lost. I want girls to understand that this is not the life you want. It looks fun, it’s not.
I was arrested initially as a juvenile. I went to the Duval County Detention Center. I was there for maybe about a year and a half, and the Policy Center used to come and do groups there all the time. I used to be so rebellious. I yelled out, I used to flip my chair. I wanted nothing to do with them until I met Lisa and that lady there just stole my life, stole my heart, stole everything. And she was like, ‘I wanted to visit you because I feel like you need me.’ And I was like, ‘Girl, what? I never needed nobody in my life. I’m not going to need you.’ She was like, ‘Yeah, that’s why I think you need me.’ She heard my scream, I loved it. I love the fact that she understood that for me. She got on my nerves. She just kept pushing me to try to just talk to her and the whole time she would sit there and get through my whole ordeal. To have her keep pushing to get to know me, to understand me, to actually being a part of my story, I definitely thank her for that. She gave me a lifelong friend. I love her. She pushed me.
And then I met Sakenia– that’s my girl. I have had beautiful therapy sessions with Sakenia. They are amazing. She took me out to lunch, we’ve had multiple different run-ins with things that I don’t like to say but she found out on her own. She can read me like a book and I love that about her. Ms. Brandy helped me get my ID. She went with me to get my medications. They are on top of everything for me. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be as progressive in my life and in my “pretty girl era”. They are definitely amazing. They are a big part of my story.
One thing I can say about See the Girl, they definitely see the girl and are ready to attack her into getting up to a better place. I will definitely say that they hear the screams. That’s why I’m so happy to be engaged into it and being able to deal with SAVVY Sisters, See the Girl, and different therapists and case managers. Everything is so welcoming and friendly and that scream is heard, you actually see the girl here.
I believe this is a lifelong thing. I would never want to lose touch with anyone from the Policy Center. Honestly, because they put my journey together. They made an outline for my life that I’ve never seen possible. Even sitting here being able to tell my story without feeling like it’s going to be exploded or made into a different light, I know I’m being heard. And for the first time they outlined a life that is completely out of the box for me where I’m from. So, I hope it’s lifelong.
—Mya
