As my time at the Policy Center draws to a close, I’m eternally grateful for the opportunity to join in this important work to support girls and women who are often forgotten in our communities. It took me a while to figure out what to say in this blog, because there’s just so much, especially in these unprecedented times. But when I truly think about it, there is a resounding theme that connects all that I’ve learned during my time here.
Here’s what I know for sure: Girls desire safety. Every girl, regardless of their economic or social standing wants to be safe. But for the girls served by the Policy Center: girls in foster care, girls from underserved communities, girls who are survivors of trafficking, girls whose parents are addicted, incarcerated or absent, the basic need of safety is scarce at every turn – at home, at school in community.
Here’s the irony. Society tells girls and women to carry mace, be inside by dark, lace their keys between their fingers, park in well lit areas. Yet, when girls speak up about being victimized and exploited in this unsafe world, society doesn’t believe them. Instead, society response by criminalizing, blaming, and ignoring their pleas for protection.
“Why were you there?”
“What were you wearing?”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
“Are you sure you said no?”
The better questions:
“Who hurt you?”
“What do you need?”
“ARE YOU SAFE?”
And when they answer? Believe them. Help them. Advocate for them. Ensure their safety. AND HOLD THOSE WHO CAUSE HARM ACCOUNTABLE.
In our society, a girl’s voice has virtually no chance against entrenched social constructs and systems. Power and money trump accountability. It’s ultimately the girls who pay the price through the perpetuation of trauma, exploitation, physical and emotional violence.
This is why the Policy Center exists- to provide support for girls in crisis and their families, to advocate for their rights and fair treatment, to ensure that enduring societal biases are challenged and reformed. To ensure girls voices have value. To ensure healing alternatives to incarceration.
Together, we can build communities where girls are safe, protected, and valued. But to do it, each of us must be brave enough to hold abusers, exploiters, buyers, and systems accountable. We must commit to create a community that brings perpetrators to justice, regardless of their titles or tax brackets. That’s what a safe community does.
My colleagues spend countless hours with girls in lock up. They’ve shared with me that time after time, when girls are asked what they need most the answer is clear: to be safe. The circumstances of their young lives have forced them into unspeakable situations. Through it all, the girls are still extraordinarily insightful, talented, creative, and smart. Here’s how one girl beautifully expressed herself via written word.
Safety to me is the loving embrace of his arms
Before the red turns black & blue on my face seduced by his charms.
Safety to me are those 10 seconds before fight or flight, after I missed my last chance to duck his right.
Safety to me is the bottom of a bottle called Jack Daniels, that’s where I go when things become too much to handle
Safety to me is my phone on “do not disturb”
so, I can ignore the vile messages lined with hateful words
that fill the chat bubble before he hits “send” over and over again.
Safety to me is lying to the police
just in case there’s any possible chance of release
just to show you your secrets are for us to keep.
Safety to me is taking the blame acting like I’m the one who messed up everything again it’s easier to placate than to fixate so I just assume the roll of the crazy and insane.
Safety to me is not safe at all,
It comes in the form as a fall
from grace not a cool calm collected loving place.
Safety for me will soon change, it will be a range of all things good, grate, and brave. Safety will be safe for me one day.
… Makayla
It has truly been my honor to connect with girls like Makayla. To experience their brilliance and resilience, their wit and their wisdom, their harrowing tales and hopeful testimonies.
It has been my honor to See the Girl with the passionate, committed women of the Policy Center who show up every day to serve, counsel, advocate, listen and learn with girls in our community.
It has been my honor to engage committed community members who see girls for their true potential, not their present circumstances.
To the girls, thank you for sharing your stories with me. I will hold them close forever.
To my colleagues, keep fighting the good fight- even when it feels like you’re fighting alone.
To our community, take the time to care, to listen, to learn. Look inside and challenge your biases, beliefs, perceptions. Be the trusted adult that can truly change a girl’s life.
Be courageous enough to See the Girl – because safe community is built one trusted adult at a time.
-Stacy Ellison
Thank you Stacy for always seeing the girl! I am profoundly grateful for all that you have done to make the community a safer place for all girls.
Stacy, Thanks for being a voice for our girls and others who are underserved and often unseen and heard. Your presence and voice will certainly be missed at DBW. Thank you again for supporting our girls and community.